Decision time

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I need to get a trip on the books. We've hit that dreary time of year where it's still dark and cold, and summer is still so, so far away. Especially up here in the PNW.

"Beach. Sun. Heat. Beach. Sun. Heat," says my brain. Over and over and over.

My short-list:

• Thailand - I'd have to wait until the end of the year until my vacation builds up and husband can join. Not sure I'll make it!
• Belize - beaches and jungles. 
• Costa Rica - surfing and yoga?
• Southwest US - possibly with a girlfriend, which could be fun. 

Husband just started a new job, so I may be looking at another solo trip. I've (sort-of) traveled solo before, and it's really nice to be able to have real "ME" time, whether it's sit on a beach for hours, explore a new town, or read by a pool. If I'm going to jet off by myself, I might spring for one of those rah rah girl-time yoga and surf camps in Central America. I've always wanted to be great at both, and what better way to learn than with (hopefully new!) friends some place new and beautiful. 

This weekend's goal is to have a place picked! Stay tuned!

Choose to be happy Monday

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I'm happy today because I'm one day closer to all of the great things I'm looking forward to and working towards. Today may not amount to much by itself, but what I accomplish day and tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that means that my progress bars are moving.

Have a good day, and think big picture, kids.

Listen to your eating disorder..

..and then do the opposite.

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It's National Eating Disorders Awareness Week. This blog plays a small part in my personal recovery, and as someone who been pulled in and out of the destructive mental mind game that is bulimia for the past five years, I can say with certainty that the general public's perception of eating disorders is.. disordered. 

For those of you who know someone close to you with an eating disorder- take some time to educate yourself about the best ways to help. 

I'm in a better place at the moment, but I wouldn't say that I'm recovered. I'm not the best person say that if you do X, Y, Z you'll get past it like I did. Because I haven't yet. 

But I'm getting there.

Why am I so awkward?

WARNING:

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Is a platonic girlfriend finder for girls a thing? If yes, then..

1. That is SUCH a sad thing

2. How do I sign up?

It's been just about three years since I walked away from a really fun group of girlfriends that was unfortunately split by some unfortunate drama. I was basically just a bystander during that tumultuous time, but the experience was exhausting and things were never the same. I made up a reason to take a break and haven't been back since. I still have a few girlfriends, but our lives all seem to be so very different now, we are physically far away from each other, and I see us growing farther apart as time goes on. 

I've finally learned to say no to the things that always felt like "no choice," because everything is a choice and few things are actually obligations. I'm a lifelong introvert and savor the abundance of me-time when I'm not at work. Lately though, I miss have more choices and things to say yes to, particularly when it comes to relationships with other people. 

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Maybe it's not just me. Seattle has a reputation apparently..

Adapting to change

It's crazy how just one day of clean eating can make a difference in how you feel the next morning.

steak+salad=steaksalad

So the good news this week is that my husband started his new job, which just so happens to be about 10 minutes away from office. This means that I have my carpool buddy back, and my time and rage on the road has been dramatically reduced.

The bad news is that I'm not sure how to stay motivated to get to the gym. I had signed up in January with the gym across the street from my office, and was driving down at 6am almost daily to beat traffic and work out. The mornings were tough, but once I was there, my only two choices were to work out or start working. Easy.

Fortunately the membership is valid at other location, and there happens to be another location about 10 minutes from. That means that I could get to the gym at 6am, work out until 7am, then be home in time to have breakfast and enjoy a bit of my morning. Or I could just stay home that entire time in my comfy house. See how that works? I know myself very well by now.. oh well. I'll keep thinking that through.

In the meantime, this morning I did get in a short run on the treadmill, and then tried out a short bodyweight workout via the PopSugar Fitness App on my iPad. I always feel like such a dork when I do videos, but this one was actually really good, and the app has a pretty decent sized library of workouts I'm looking forward to trying. It's definitely no Crossfit class (which I miss dearly), but I think this will be a great way to keep up a bit of strength training during this gym limbo.

Happy Wednesday friends!

I've fallen

Time to get up.

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First the good. Marathon training has been (pretty) good and consistent. Work has also been good. I'm finally feeling settled more often than not, which is huge for me.

Now the bad. Remember those resolutions came up with at the start of the new year? Yeah.. me neither apparently. I haven't cracked open a book in weeks, that whole "eating clean" thing isn't really a thing as of late, and I find myself falling into the internet hole at home as a way of postponing whatever more important task I should be doing.

Time for a little reset.

I've re-enabled my "bad" site blockers, and installed the application on my second "cheat" browser. I'm going to go back to blogging every day, like I was doing in January. I find I need that daily outlet, which also works to help keep me accountable with my other daily goals.

More water. More vegetables. Less bread and pasta and sweets. Much less.

Wish me luck.

Pining for summer

I don't do "throwback Thursdays" but I suppose this is sort of that. I'm missing summer in a serious way. That photo above was taken last June or so, when I was forced to learn how to mow a lawn for the first time after my husband broke his arm.

Turns out I love it. I'm not a big gardener, but pushing our little mower in the warm sun for an hour was became my favorite chore, and I got instant gratification in seeing the backyard become neat and tidy. 

The best part was lounging in the hammock to survey my work, warm and relaxed and happy.

I'm a hot weather beach girl by nature, and I start counting down to summer the second I'm forced into a sweater. It's a wonder I'm still here in the PNW.

Choose to be Happy Monday.. err, Tuesday

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I know, I know, I'm late. But I've been too busy having a happy Friday, weekend, Monday, and Tuesday.

Not a whole lot has physically changed from my "having a meltdown" days, other than just remembering that the things that frustrate me are little in the long run, and shouldn't be overshadowed by the good in my life. 

These are my latest favorite ways to flip on my happy light:

• Email my husband at work, just to say hello and to tell him something that will brighten his day (and mine)
• Go for a run. My mood following a workout is at least twice as happy 100% of the time. 
• Listen to Stuff You Should Know podcasts during my long commute
• Play World of Warcraft with my husband. Or by myself. Because I'm getting really into it again. I know you guys. I know. But something about running around a cartoony world killing bad guys and completing quests is satisfying and relaxing right now. Plus, it's cheap and something that hubs and I can do together.
• Blog. Can't say enough how much writing things down and taking an active role in being a happy person has made a difference in my daily and long-term outlook. I feel less like I'm in a bubble. So thanks readers. All one or two of you..
  

Just run

This is my I-finished-my-ten-mile-run-despite-it-being-freezing-ass-cold-and-my-phone/GPS/music-player-dying-two-miles-in-face:

You get this since I couldn't take any run pictures

It was cold today. Balmy compared to most parts of the country, but it was mid-30s and I'm a baby and I just wasn't having it. I knew I had this run to do, my first real "long run" in my marathon training, and by about 1PM I had run out of ways to procrastinate. So I put on my shorts, trudged to my treadmill, started to plod, and within two minutes asked myself WTF I was doing on a treadmill when it there was daylight and the roads were dry. I have a hate-hate relationship with the treadmill in my house, and I knew I'd maybe get three miles in, max, before calling it a day. On went my running tights, long-sleeves, and gloves, and out the door I went. 

Feeling good, rocking out to Pandora, RunKeeper app politely letting me know my distance and pace every five minutes, and then... nothing. My phone is also a baby about the cold, and decided to feign illness and shut down. You guys, I actually thought about going home. I was already feeling naked without my GPS watch and heart rate monitor, and to have no idea how fast I was going, when I was supposed to turn around, and no Ellie Goulding to distract me, was not motivating.

But for some reason I kept going - I figured I'd just turn around when I got bored and hopefully I'd make it to six or seven miles. I'd run the route probably 100 times before, so I vaguely knew the distance from my house to certain checkpoints. 

Surprisingly though (for me) I just kept running. I listened to the pat-pat-pat of my shoes on the pavement, the wind rustling through the trees, I noted how my body was feeling, how my pace changed when I shortened my stride. I raced against oblivious joggers and challenged myself to run to random objects in the distance. 

Once I felt like I had made it at least four miles, I turned around and ran home, listening, looking, racing, thinking, mentally singing my latest favorite Ellie-song in my head. 

Got home, chugged some water and stretched my hips, then plotted my route in GoogleMaps to check the distance. I turned around right at 5.2 miles, putting my total at 10.4! 

So, lesson for me and for you, is that sometimes you just need to run, and you don't actually *need* much to do it. I had become so dependent on music and monitors and trackers over the years that I had forgot to just enjoy running and the places it takes me. I'm not saying that I'll chuck the music and GPS on every run from now on, but I will make a point to just run every once in a while. 

Stop making excuses

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This. This. This. This This. This.

I originally read that quote as motivation to stick to my workouts, and to eat healthy, but it's a great reminder to STOP WAITING to start working on something. 

If I could go back in time and talk to me a year ago, I would tell her to work out at least 15 minutes a day starting now, to cut the diet soda chemical crap she chugs starting now, to spend less money and live frugally starting now, to write her thoughts starting now.

Me a year later sure would appreciate it. 

I'm just gonna go ahead an pat myself on the back right now for the last month of sticking with all of these great lifestyle changes, but it sure would be nice if I'd have stuck with it starting last year.

As time passes, I realize that life isn't going to get any more "ideal" to start working on my goals. I'm only going to get older, and I don't want to wait until I'm old to accomplish the things on my list.

I haven't had a perfect day at all in the last month, but it sure is a hell of a lot better than having a day where I did nothing.

And scene.

Choose to be Happy Monday

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When did Monday become a four letter word? The last place I worked had me in constant contact with quite a few "Happy Monday!!" people, and my response was always "uugghhghhhh..."

Now I want to be one of them.

I had a pretty good Monday actually. Got up nice and early, went for a six-mile run and thought about how just maybe I'll survive that marathon in June, ate mostly clean, checked things off my list at work and spent some quality time with the husband in my cozy house. 

I'm still counting down the days until the Saturday, as usual, but at the very least, Monday still gives me one more day to work towards my goals. After today, I'm that much more trained for my race, I have another day of money-making and money-saving, and I'm one day closer to my next adventure. 

And next Monday I'll be EVEN closer!

I'm not sure exactly what I'm counting down to yet, but every day that I'm here and working and sticking the plan means that I'm moving forward. 

Weekend Wrap-Up

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I started using MyFitnessPal last week to help myself be more mindful about the foods that I put in my body and the training that I do to reach my fitness goals. It hasn't been a perfect week. In fact, I could have done WITHOUT a lot less and WITH a lot more working out.

What I can say however, is that logging everything that I eat and drink does have me thinking harder about the food choices that I make. Logging all of the bad things that I ate just a couple hours ago while rooting the Seahawks on during the Super Bowl was painful, but seeing everything on the screen has kept me from heading back in the kitchen to polish off those peanut M&Ms.

For me, it isn't just enough to log everything for the day and start fresh tomorrow. A practice that I've started after I'm "done" for the day is to look back and make a few notes about what I should have done differently. Today, I could have done without that second bottle of beer and the peanut M&Ms during the game, and I wouldn't have felt at all deprived.

My goal for February is to log my meals every day and reflect on my choices in this way daily, to establish the good habits that someday won't depend on tracking and checking things off on my smartphone.

By this time next month, I expect to be feeling, looking, and running better.